I've been fighting with a friend lately, and she's changed so much, and I don't know what to do about it.
This made me then start to question all of my other friends...
So here is a small drabble I came up with, just a rant about a few of the people in my life. No names mentioned though...
[one] I wish you knew how I would fold at the knees if you weren't there to hold me up. I wish I had the words to tell you that you're the one mirror I can't stand to look at when my own lies are fogged back into my lungs because of the truth that shines in your eyes. You're my strength when I'm tired, you're my comfort when I'm crying and swearing that I'm just not enough, that I'll never be enough. You've called me brave before, but I know it's only because I managed to swallow my pride and borrow your courage. We send each other reassurances through the phone lines, telling each other it will be alright and trying to fake the joy, through cell phone screens, and blinking text messages. And when I am scared, you let my fears out of the box to run through the door, never to return, and I'll be forever safe. And when you are lost, I'll let you use my eyes because maybe other people can offer a clearer perspective. Know that I'll always be here for you; know that I will never turn away when you are in need.
[two] I just hope you know that you are beautiful. I hope that when you look in the mirror and see your tanned skin, vibrant eyes and long, luscious hair, you'll know that these things are what make you so breathtaking. And when the ones you trust turn their backs, realise that they are the ones lacking; not you. I hope you know that you are compassionate and intelligent, and all together amazing. You are every single thing that every single person should aspire to be. Thank you for being there to support me when I wasn't even sure I knew how to support myself. Thank you for standing by me when my spine collapsed, for holding my hand and leading me when I didn't know where I was going. There are so many ways to thank you and I don't know if I can find all the words to let you hear them.
[three] We definately aren't what people would call the best. We would laugh way too loud in the corridors, have impolite conversations, and talk constantly in class. We would fight in the middle of the classroom, lashing out at each other angrily for petty reasons. But then we'd try to patch it over with a hug and a pitiful apology. You know I love you, but there are times I can do nothing but hate you.
[four] When I fall and scrape my knees, you are the first person to pick me up off the pavement. When I am standing with broken bones and a broken heart, you are the first one to cast my arm, tape up my heart, and kiss my temple. You are shielding me from all the hurt, and keeping a steady eye on me to stop me from swallowing my lungs. I know that I don't thank you enough, but I never want you to think I don't appreciate and love you.
[five] When we fight, I want you to know that I am acidic and bitchy, only because I can see my face in yours. I want you to know that I am slicing at you viciously only because I know that we are both stubborn and strong enough to take it. So when your hand is slamming against my cheek, and my words are tearing at your limbs, I know that we will get over it because we are related in so many more ways than just blood.
[six] You went running off with my heart in your pocket, completely oblivious to the fact that you'd almost ruined my chances of giving away what you'd so aptly stolen. And when you smiled, and I knew that smile would never be for me, you never seemed to realise that my pulse was wired around your heart so that everytime you moved, it would jump-start my nerves in the most uncomfortable way. And no matter how hard I try, I simply can't cut those wires free.
[seven] I am holding my heart and stealing it back from greedy fingers. I am running behind locked doors and looking through parted blinds. I know you thought you could carry my heart, but I can't find the words to tell you no. So know that I mean it when I say I appreciate your friendship, but I can't give you what you want. If I could let you know, I'd tell you who already has it, who's stolen it from under your nose. But I don't have the words so just know I mean it when I say I'm sorry. Trust me, I do.