unimaginable beauty: January 2010

Monday, January 11, 2010

Pretty Women (And Men)

[Be warned; this post shows how much of a walking contradiction I truly am.]

It's interesting how low some people's self esteem is. At least, to me it is.
I've got so many friends that think they are ugly or fat. But they aren't. Hell, one of my best friends has managed to convince herself that she's overweight. But dear god, she is not. She's a peeerfect weight but there's no changing her mind. She's unique, beautiful, hilarious, possibly insane, and has a perfect hour glass figure. But she sees herself as ugly and fat. I've spent nights texting her, boosting her self esteem because her bitchy sister has said something out of spite, or her mother has uncaringly said something mean. It makes me cry.
I just don't understand all those people that constantly put you down, that completely destroy who you are, ignore you and just ruin your life. These people tear you apart, and don't even care.
I met a girl at ballet once, and she said I was pretty. I just laughed and said politely, "Thank you! I think you're pretty too." She just responded "Oh, you're just being nice."
But the thing is, she was pretty. The kind of pretty that makes you feel like a lucky fool to even have her look at you, let alone talk to you.
This happens so many times, with both genders. Boys that don't think they're cute, girls that think they're fat, and the list goes on. Unfortunately, I've met many gorgeous people, only to find out that with some of them, that sort of beauty is only skin deep. But in a few of them, they were pretty all the way through. How sad that many of them don't stand a chance in the real world... After all, who wants to be pretty on the inside?
The answer, sadly, is no one. No one wants to be pretty on the inside. Because, if it's on the inside, who would see it?
The shallow ideals of this world have taken over our lives, and so many truly beautiful people become left out in the cold, killed socially and literally day after day.
It makes me so sad, to see all the destruction that happens merely because someone is insanely jealous, or angry with themselves and others.
Remember the old saying; "If you haven't got anything nice to say then don't say anything at all,"?
That phrase makes me smile because of the truth in it. Every day, you have the opportunity to destroy someone, or make them the happiest person in the world. So why do people choose the former?
Is it because they are so miserable with their own image that they find a strange sort of courage in insulting and tearing down someone else? Or because they have a sadistic personality and do it merely for the thrill? Who knows?
These people though, are the ugly ones. They may physically be the most beautiful person to ever walk the earth, but inside they are shrivelled, black and weary. It makes me sick what some people are capable of doing.
But my opinion is that if you are overweight, or underweight, you are pretty. If you are disabled, you are pretty. If you are shy, you are pretty. If you can speak your mind without a care of what other people may think of you, then you are pretty.
I find that the truly pretty ones are always the ones who don't believe it themselves.
Sad, isn't it?

"Your hearts a mess, but you won't admit to it."
Hearts A Mess - Gotye

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.

I've really stuffed up this time.
I managed to hurt my wrist, burn my forehead with a straightener, and upset a good friend all in one day. Yay for me. The first two hurt like hell obviously, but the last one is tormenting me. I didn't mean to upset him. And I feel so bad for it. I was just being honest and admitting something that I'd thought to myself 4 months ago. Hell, I even tried to explain it. But I just succeeded in hurting him. Oh great, now I'm repeating myself.
I think...I need to have a shot at completely reworking my personality. Maybe it would make it easier for myself, though definately for others.
I'm feeling kind of pathetic now.

"Don't use your heart, it only makes you slow."
- Responses by Barcelona

Friday, January 1, 2010

Trust is always a good idea. For someone else.

It's sad really that here's me, single pringle and have been for my entire life, having people come to me for advice. For relationship advice. I've had people ask if they should break up with their boyfriends, if they should go that extra step with their significant other, or if he really should ask her out. And it's interesting that whilst I only give small tidbits of advice, never anything major that could completely sway their decision, or make them do something drastic, just enough to help them clear their minds and think easier, they still listen to what I say.
I don't know if he's really flirting, or just being a nice guy, so why should you come to me for advice? I've never been in the same situations as any of these people, and they know it, yet they ask me. It does make me feel a bit honoured, but at the same time slightly used. It makes me feel that they only talk to me because I'm good at listening, that they don't really care for my friendship at all.
I recently became closer to a girl after bonding over Barbie movies, and she's asking me for advice, but I know that I will have to to deal with the aftermath either way it goes.
I don't mind being used as a diary most of the time, I'm good at letting people just talk with no interruptions. Sometimes it would be nice if it weren't just a one-way diary though. I've tried to talk to people about my own problems, but they either just sympathise without understanding, interrupt through out it, or overshadow it with their own problems. Either way it makes me feel pathetic.
I'm not even sure why I'm writing this actually. I just don't really know what to do.
Should I continue being there for people, but have no shoulder of my own to rest on, or distance myself from their shit and try and work out my own?